Teen exam stress: how parents in India can help, and when to get help

Class 10 and 12 boards, JEE, NEET, CUET and coaching schedules make exam years heavy for many Indian families. Some pressure helps a teen work. Too much of it can lead to sleeplessness, anxiety and low mood. As a parent, your reaction counts for more than any timetable.

Signs the stress is too much

• Sleeping much less or much more than usual, or being exhausted all day
• Headaches, stomach aches or feeling sick before tests, with no medical cause
• Eating much less or much more
• Getting angry, tearful or snappy over small things
• Pulling away from friends and family, and losing interest in things they used to enjoy
• Saying things like "I am useless", "I cannot do this" or "there is no point"

What helps at home

• Protect sleep. Teens need about 8 to 10 hours. Late-night cramming usually costs more than it gains.
• Keep the basics: proper meals, some sunlight and movement every day (a walk or a sport), and a short break every hour or so of study.
• Listen first. Ask "How are you feeling about it?" before asking about marks or syllabus. Do not rush to fix or lecture.
• Praise effort, not rank. "I saw how hard you worked" lands better than a percentage.
• Talk about Plan B early. Make it clear there are many routes to a good life: other colleges, other courses, a repeat attempt, or a different career. A teen who believes one exam decides everything carries an unfair weight.
• Look at the schedule. If school, coaching and homework add up to 14 hours a day, something has to give.
• Manage your own anxiety. Teens pick up on it quickly.

What to avoid saying

• Comparing with cousins, neighbours or a friend's rank ("Sharma ji's son got 98%")
• Linking love or approval to marks, or saying "we spent so much on your coaching"
• Threats, such as taking away the phone or friends for a bad test
• "Everyone has exams, why are you stressed?" Their stress is real, even if the cause seems small to you.

When to get help

Look for help if low mood, worry or changes in sleep and appetite go on for two weeks or more, or are getting in the way of school, friends and daily life. Start with the school counsellor, your family doctor or a child psychologist or psychiatrist.

Free support in India:

• Tele-MANAS: the government's free, 24 hour mental health helpline, on 14416 or 1800-891-4416, in many Indian languages. Your teen can call on their own.
• Manodarpan: the Ministry of Education's initiative for students' mental wellbeing.
• Childline 1098 for any child who is in distress or unsafe.

If your teen talks about ending their life or hurting themselves

Take it seriously, every time. Ask directly and calmly: "Are you thinking of hurting yourself?" Asking does not put the idea in their head, and it often brings relief. Stay with them, remove anything they could use to harm themselves, and get help at once. Call 112 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. You can also call Tele-MANAS on 14416 together.